Neuman’s Movie Monday – Movies I Will Never See Or See Again
This week’s Neuman’s Movie Monday is all about the movies that I flat out refuse to see. I am also adding movies I won’t see again and why.
10. Requiem for a Dream (Seen it)
This is not a bad movie. This movie is just weird. I saw this movie in college and when it was over, I had that feeling of, “I saw it and now I don’t ever have to see it again.” Drug use doesn’t interest me and this solidified that feeling. Also, watching the actor who played Shooter McGavin host the game show the lady watches just creeps me out. See it once if you’re curious about it.
9. Birdman (Seen it)
This movie won an Oscar for best picture. That was the only reason I watched “Birdman.” This movie stinks. I hate movies about actors or about Hollywood. They are always this “woe is me” type movies. Like it’s so difficult to be an actor in Hollywood and regular people just don’t understand the struggle of being an actor. You play pretend professionally. Get over yourself.
8. The Game (Seen it)
This is the first movie that I hated in the middle of it. Michael Douglas is a guy who, for his birthday, just has horrible things happen to him to teach him that life is great and worth living. If a goal for an actor is to make a character relatable to the audience, Michael Douglas does a fine job, but if what happened to him, happened to me, I’d be irate. It wouldn’t make me appreciate life at all.
7. There Will Be Blood (Seen it)
I have expressed before that I don’t like this movie. I hate that they just jump 30 years out of nowhere and I was forced to watch this for a film class in college. Everyone in the class thought that the prof owed us a reimbursement for our ticket because we saw this in the theater. He didn’t. I went to this with my buddy, Joel. After the movie was over, we walked out of the theater, through the lobby, and outside before we said a word to each other. Approaching the car, I looked at him and said, “That movie sucked.” He replied, “That sucked so much.”
6. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (Haven’t seen it)
This is the first movie on this list that I haven’t seen and I won’t. “Dumb and Dumber” is one of my favorites. My friends and I would quote it all the time. Any time we could incorporate a line from the movie, it made watching the movie better and better. When this abomination came out, we couldn’t bring ourselves to watch it.
5. Jack and Jill (Haven’t seen it)
In 2009, Adam Sandler appeared in the movie “Funny People.” It was an alright movie about a comedian/actor who was in a lot of stupid movies. Then he gave up doing those dumb movies. It was such a take on Sandler’s career. I was hoping that was Sandler coming out and saying he won’t make any more dumb movies like “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.” Two years later, “Jack and Jill” came out. I refuse to watch this movie. It’s upsetting that Al Pacino is in this. Don’t you think we should be done with this multiple characters for one actor shtick? Especially if they are twins. Especially if they are fraternal male and female twins.
4. Going Overboard (Seen it)
Back-to-back Adam Sandler movies. This was Sandler’s first movie. My brothers and I rented “Going Overboard” from Blockbuster Video. (A very old sentence.) We rented it after we had seen “Billy Madison” and “Happy Gilmore.” Arguably two of Sandler’s best and it was in ’95 and ’96. I wasn’t a huge SNL fan at that time so other than those 2 movies, I didn’t know Sandler’s earlier works other than the drummer of The Lone Rangers in “Airheads”. We rented this with such high hopes and were completely let down. This is the story of a cruise ship comedian. Which is the lowest form of stand-up and this movie is the lowest form of comedy. Don’t plan on laughing at this comedy. There’s nothing close to funny about it. It’s so cringe worthy.
3. Gigli (Haven’t seen it)
Just straight up too many bad reviews to give it a try. It’s has gone down as one of the worst movies ever made. So no thanks.
2. Talk to Her (Seen it)
In the same vein as “Requiem for a Dream”, “Talk to Her” is not that bad of a movie. It’s just so messed up. The movie is about a bull fighter who gets gored and is in a coma in the hospital. Her new boyfriend feels obligated to go visit her because they just started dating. He befriends a male nurse who is looking after another female coma patient in the same room. Then we see that the male nurse cares for the first patent a little too much. There is a scene where the two guys see a silent movie together and the movie is just so awkward. The silent movie also is a representation of how the first girl in the coma… um… well… to put it lightly…. becomes pregnant. Again, this movie is just so messed up. Am I glad I saw it..? Sure. Will I see it again…? Nope.
1. The Human Centipede (Haven’t seen it)
Haven’t seen it. Won’t see it. Judging the story by it’s cover. A hater. Whatever you want to call it, I’m not seeing this. I, normally, don’t hold too much stock in what critics say about movies, but out of curiosity, I looked up the review for this by Rodger Ebert. He said, “I am required to award stars to the movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don’t shine.” That’s good enough for me.